Friday, January 10, 2014

The New Year - 2014

I always found it kind of weird that when wishing someone a Happy New Year, it's like you're only wishing them one day of happiness, like you're saying Merry Christmas or Happy Thanksgiving. But you actually have a whole 365 days to make happy.

I was thinking about that the other day when I resolved to actually be awake, but I let myself sleep in (although noon was pushing it) because the strangest thing happened to me the night before (or shall I say morning). Every muscle in my body tensed up at the same time. It was torture. What was even worse? No one cared...it was like this was an everyday occurrence. Which it's not, by the way.
Sometimes I feel like some people see my pain as no big deal...something I'm making up. Like I would make this crap up. Ha! That's funny...

The thought occurs to me now that I probably sound like a whiny, ungrateful brat; but I hate having things I say, do, or feel brushed aside like they were nothing. Granted, I am a hypochondriac, and wish that there was a pill for everything..sometimes, I'm convinced there is. I'd only be on 842 drugs; hopefully with no serious interactions. One day I'll have to tell you about the time I stupidly washed down some pills with a daiquiri...won't be doing that anymore.

The reasons I make such a big deal out of a papercut (okay, not literally, but you get my point, right?) actually have merit (at least I'd like to think so):
1) since God only knows what's going on in this sorry excuse for a body, I really don't know what simple thing could turn into a serious problem...like I had surgery on my knee last year (feels so weird saying that) that wasn't anything major, but instead of healing properly, the side of my leg has a big hole in it where it got infected. Ugh! Why can't I have a normal body?
2) my mother didn't go to the doctor and cancer spread and killed her.

the fun meter on this blog, though not high to begin with, has nosedived into 'morbidly depressing'. I seem to have a knack for doing that. I forgot how completely exhausting it is to be in pain all day. Will not be skipping the Aleve tomorrow...

I titled this 'the new year', so here are some resolutions (which I've broken already):

1) I'm going to stop biting my nails. I've had this habit since I was 5 (at least) -- and I have to keep reminding myself that I can't quit in one day, and it's okay if I slip up. All together now: "it's okay if I slip up"

2) I will write for at least an hour each day. 
I lost my motivation...it's the new year, and I can't get excited about my book anymore. Today's the first day I followed through on my resolution :(

3) I will do devotions every morning. I initially added "writing in my journal every night" to this, but I'm finding that forcing myself to write is just making me angry. I seem to be having an issue with God and His timing, and writing it down is not helping me to get over it.

So far, I've had the most success with #3. But it's only January 10th, can't get excited yet.