You know what I hate? People who speak for other people.
"She's already got enough going on."
"If you keep asking her to do stuff for you, she won't be your friend."
"You can't make them to do that. It's not fair."
If you're trying to make me feel guilty, congratulations, it worked!
These things have actually been said to me. First of all, I want to point out that the people in these scenarios are all adults, and, get this, can say NO. A friend (who I've never asked for anything) once said that "if you can't say no to a person, you have no right saying yes." I don't think I need to say any more about that.
But these barbs, as simple and non-offensive and helpful as you may believe they are, hurt. And I'll tell you why...I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THINGS FOR MYSELF is what I hear along with the teacher of Peanuts fame. "Wah. Wah. Wah. You're no good. You ask for too much. You're in the way. Ain't no one got time for that." If I didn't add that last one, I'd be crying.
There goes another piece of my independence. *waves* Toodles. As if I already don't have a constant reminder that things are declining and life is getting tougher...you're giving me another one. Well, aren't you kind...
I personally have enough trouble keeping track of my own life to play my sister's keeper for anyone else. And I certainly don't want to put anyone in a position where they "have" to do something. No one HAS to do diddly squat for me! Nor do I expect anyone to cater to me. Besides, I'm a resourceful gal, I can figure out how to get something done on my own...or get myself anywhere I need to go. I have a Masters' for goodness sakes! I also worked in a Center for INDEPENDENT Living for 2 years. If I'm really in a bind, THEN I'll ask for a hand...or ride...and 9 times out of 10, I find someone happy to help. That's the definition of a friend!!!
One more thing: why is it not okay for me to ask someone "with a full plate" for help, but for you, it's all good? Is it because I'm getting in your way...taking time away from you?
I've often wondered why I even bother to think of asking for help, if I'm only going to feel like a nuisance doing so.
So often I forget that these are lies of the enemy (well, the self-depricating parts). God doesn't see me that way at all. I don't bother Him, and I know that He loves me enough to put people in my path who will say "sure, I'd be glad to help."
God has been taking me on a journey of healing these last almost 2 years. Physical healing, healing in my spiritual life, healing damaged and/or broken emotions, and healing relationships (that's a biggie...it ranks up there with healing from the sting of unrequited love, or as I like to call it, my life). I can't say I've enjoyed it, it definitely hasn't been easy, but I am in a much better place then I was when I first got here. I went from whining and moaning about how I didn't want to be here to being happy where God has me. I'd call that a success any day. And here's the most awesome thing: God's not done!