Monday, October 15, 2012

One blog last month? Geesh...I'm slipping...

This past weekend, I went to the Women of Faith Conference. It was so good! I'm really glad I went. Seeing thousands of women who love the Lord in one place was quite an experience.

        (Thanks to my good friend Kathy Folk for taking AMAZING pictures!)

And I can tell you right now, that I haven't processed everything that happened there...YET...but I believe that the biggest truth I came away from there with is that God loves me. Me...and the hot mess that I am.

That revelation scares me at the same time that it makes me feel good. Yeah, I makes no sense. I guess I really am a glutton for punishment. What does that expression even mean? Anyway...I'm afraid of feeling good. Specifically, I'm afraid of two things:

a) the depression is lurking just around the corner; waiting to pounce on my good mood and kill it
b) the depression is cured...I no longer have something that makes me feel special (yeah; extreme sadness and fits of ceaseless crying make me feel special. Try and dissect that one)

Seriously...two weeks ago, I didn't think my meds were helping; and now I'm Susie Sunshine. Balance would be nice.

One of the changes I decided to implement in my life is that I'm going to read the Bible everyday...I haven't been so good (or any good) at that. At the conference, I spent waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy too much money, but one of my purchases was a devotional book -- Jesus Calling. I figured that would be a good way to get me to read the Word. There's a message from Jesus everyday. Today's message just happened to coincide (Just happened, my foot) with the theme of the Joyce Meyer devotional; depending fully on God and feeling His presence with you (me) always. I try to do everything by myself because I think I need to show everyone I'm strong and can handle things. This behavior only succeeds in minimizing His presence because I am focused on me not Him.

I think I'll try to turn that around this week.