Saturday, September 15, 2012

Blind Faith

I don't believe it's a coincidence that those two words are put together...

I was thinking this morning about people who are blind and the trust they must have in others. I don't know if anyone out there watches Go On; a character on that show (I believe it's George) is blind and Matthew Perry's character (Ryan) led him when they went to see a basketball game. George must trust that Ryan will not lead him into dangerous situations (traffic, etc...).

Right now, I kinda feel like I'm blind. I can't see what's ahead of me, and, truth be told, it scares the crap out of me! I've heard it said that God's will won't lead us into places where His grace cannot protect us (in different words, but the interpretation is the same). But I have to ask -- is that true for me? Do I believe that God has mapped out my path? I don't think I do...

I've had to rely on faith a lot lately. It should be making me stronger, but instead I'm just falling apart...literally. I've fallen twice in the past week, and sprained my ankle (plus I still have the pressure ulcer on my right ankle). I thank God that I haven't broken anything.

I'm not here to complain about my medical calamities (such a cool word), but I'm referencing these incidents to remind myself that I have good reasons to have though God's track record in the past isn't reason enough.

God knows what He's doing. Humans (especially me) get impatient and because we (I) see no progress, we (I) assume that nothing is happening. It's so hard to lose sight of the fact that God only wants what's good for me, particularly when everything in my life is going south (which, if I really thought about it, it isn't). But faith builds character, and the only way to strengthen faith is through trials; which also build character. This is not the time for me to give up on God! As cheesy as I think it sounds; that's what the enemy wants!

I heard this song as I was writing this today and thought the lyrics were appropriate:

Chris August - Center Of It

Somedays I'm feelin' like I
Can't win, can't get it right and it
Don't matter how hard I try
Today is not my day
When it feels like I'm going crazy
And it looks like nothing's changing
Come sun come rainy day
You are still the same

In the dark, in the light
In the morning and night
In the good, in the hurt
In the places I hide
When I rise, when I fall
You'll be there through it all
At the start, at the end
In the center of the center of it


When it feels like the doors are closing
Gotta trust that You're doing something
Come sun come rainy day
You are all I need

On a related note, I think that I was doing much better all-around when I was blogging regularly. I need to start doing that again.

I see my new counselor Monday and I started going to a class at Calvary Chapel (where I've been going to church) on Tuesdays called New Beginnings. I've only been to two sessions, but I already feel reassured about my salvation (bonus!). This is in addition to church on Saturday and a Recovery group on Sunday. Maybe I'll make it after all!