Christina Aguliera, this is not...*big sigh of relief*
For awhile (or is it a while?) there, I was doing well. Praying everyday, listening to Christian music...feeling uplifted and encouraged. Lately, I seem to have lost that. And after the week I just had, I really could use that foundation.
I went into the hospital on Thursday (June 28th) with a severely...and I cannot stress this enough...SEVERELY painful right...well, foot. Geez, I didn't cry this much at the ending of Titanic. Wait a second...back up to Monday...I went to the urgent care clinic. They wrapped it and gave me an antibiotic and something for pain/swelling. The wrapping job was awesome...until I decided that I need to change it. The pain med worked...the first day. I somehow got through Tuesday night and made the mistake of trying to change the bandage on Wednesday. My aunt ended up wrapping it for me, but the tape-ish stuff holding it in place was really bothering me, so I had to take it off. Now to Thursday...
I went to the E.R. and after some tests and drugs and spending a crapload of money, I was admitted with an infection. Fine. Par for the (my) course. I figured their big gun antibiotics would cure the infection which would take away the pain...at least the morphine would. Morphine only took the edge off. For some reason, my body doesn't respond fully to pain meds. When I was prescribed Vicodin, I felt like House (my hero! hehehe--my House obsession will be a topic for another post). I took 2...yes T-W-O...and was able to drive to work...and actually do my job...such as I did it anyway (my insecurities about EVERY aspect of my life will also be another post all in itself).
To make a long story short-er, I ended up staying there for a week, one of those days being my birthday, and was discharged with nothing. No meds, no referrals, nada...and still in pain. The only thing I got was intructions to see the PCP in a week...nice.
My only question is this: if the infection's gone (which it should be--I've been on 3 courses of antibiotics in the last 2 months), why do I still have pain?
All this to say, that I have fallen out of my "Christian-ness" (yes, I am well aware that is not a word, thank you!). I guess I have become discouraged. I am not getting anywhere in regards to this pain. I prayed and pleaded and cried (boy did I cry!), and got no answers. Also, another life situation I was praying about doesn't seem to have gotten resolved. I know, I know...God's timing, not mine.
You are as close to God as you want to be.
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
What a truth that is. I say I want to be close, but do I really? More accurately: do I want to do the work required to get there?
Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
I ALWAYS forget this one...especially the beginning. It's so simple...maybe too simple?
|How to Jump-start Your Prayer Life |
May the glory of the Lord endure forever;
may the Lord rejoice in his works —
he who looks at the earth, and it trembles,
who touches the mountains, and they smoke.
I will sing to the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
May my meditation be pleasing to him,
as I rejoice in the Lord.
But may sinners vanish from the earth
and the wicked be no more.
Praise the Lord, my soul.
Praise the Lord. -Psalm 104:31-35
You'll never lack for ways to express yourself to God in prayer when you use Scripture in your prayers.
[The prayer above] provides a portrait of the Almighty that will jump-start anyone's prayer life. Immerse yourself in this beautiful prayer of praise to the Lord. Imagine the piercing power of his mere glance. His eyes alone make the entire earth tremble. The very mountains he created ignite at his touch.
What adversary are you facing? God's glance makes the earth tremble. What mountain stands in your way? The Lord can eliminate any obstacle. Commit your adversaries, your worries, and your cares to him.
Dear Lord, may you be pleased by all these thoughts about you for I rejoice in you...
The Psalms say it all. It's a great place to start. However, the question still remains:
Am I willing to work for what I say I want?