Thursday, March 8, 2012

Anxiety and backsliding

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I have been feeling very anxious lately. Perhaps it's because I feel like I'm moving backwards. Sometimes I wonder if God really knows my anxious thoughts and how I feel like crying all the time. Maybe this is His way of dealing with an offensive way.

I have to admit that I am having a very hard time trusting God right now. I feel like He has abandoned me and that He doesn't care that I'm hurting...even though I know in my head that that isn't true. I also know that I will get through this rough patch, but I'm afraid that it won't be the way God wants me to.

At church this past week, I learned "The secret to contentment is to trust Christ to give us strength to celebrate every day". But do I really want to be content? Initially, my answer was a resounding NO! But as I sit here, even now, just thinking that I am where God wants me to be surrounds me with peace; and maybe I can be content. Do I still want to get out of this anxiety and emotional instability? Yes...but if God has something for me, maybe I should stick around for awhile...

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