Friday, January 6, 2012

Pain

"I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all." -- Three Days Grace

In thinking about it, I'm not sure that song lyric is entirely true. Don't get me wrong, it has truth, but who would rather feel pain than nothing? I guess I would...

I fell in our living room a few days ago and hit (actually more like smacked) my head on the TV stand. Well, I did land on my butt; so I guess I *hit that* too. Ha ha ha ha! hit that...I'm so lame. Anyway, there are two tender spots -- 1 on each side of my head. The one on the right hurts more, and I keep pressing it to make my head hurt. Why? I've been trying for days to figure that one out...

Maybe, for just a brief moment, I want to feel something besides the overwhelming urge to cry. Maybe I want a valid reason to cry.

I'm so tired of feeling like this...like I could just explode at any moment. I'm actually counting the hours until I can go back to bed. And thinking of ways to fill them other than watching House. I see people in pain (both emotional and physical) on that show and start to feel better about myself until a tiny voice reminds me that "those are actors...you're still all alone."

That is the worst part about pain...eventually the caring fades until I'm left by myself. No one crowds around me when I almost fall, or I don't start crying. People only care if I'm hurting...and they can see it.