Friday, October 7, 2011

The Epic Battle

Mind over matter. But what if the problem lies in my mind?

As I mentioned in my last entry, I'm having a tough time with this recovery thing. Not just physically, but mentally. I'm starting to feel worn out and drained (on both fronts). The actual pain is dissipating (not so much in my legs -- but PT should help with that), and I'm left with feeling guilty for laying in bed all day. Not to mention that I don't think I have a reason to be tired. But how would I feel if I allowed myself to rest...at least for a few days?

Guilt is a powerful thing. For me, it's as much a physical condition as mental. I cry about everything. Because I hurt, because I'm not 'better', because I shouldn't be crying...sometimes (no lie), I cry because I have to leave the dog by himself. I think the root of this is guilt...I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. Am I the only one who gets sad about everything? How can I win the battle over physical healing when my head is so messed up?

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