So, I went to the back surgeon yesterday (no, this is not the beginning of a cheesy joke) and it turns out that surgery is a good bet for me in regards to this pain in my leg and hips and back! I was leery about doing the surgery (which, the doctor told me, is the only way to truly get rid of the pain) because I heard that only about 50% of people are helped and it's not guaranteed. Well, cliched as this is, nothing in life is guaranteed...except death and taxes...ha! and I've learned that lesson at least twice over. Well, the death part anyway...I've only had to pay taxes for 5 years...at most.
Anyway, as long as my insurance covers enough of it (which it appears that they cover ALL of it--there HAS to be a catch somewhere. I'm such an optimist), I can go ahead and schedule the procedure!! Whoo Hoo!!
The doc told me that it's a success 95% of the time, 1-2% possibility of needing surgery again, and I won't need rehab. Sounds like a winner to me!
The major downside (to me--there always has to be one) is that I'm afraid of losing my disability status. I admit, that sounds weird (and almost psychotic), but I've been living under the term 'disabled' since I was 8. I've gotten used to it. I get treated differently (in a lot of cases--better). I (well, the person who's driving me) get better parking. People are kinder and nicer. I guess it all comes down to feeling like I won't be 'special' anymore. But I'm still special to God. Why doesn't that seem to matter?
I need a reality check...having excuses for not having to do things isn't good. And liking that I have an excuse...well, that's not normal; it's kinda sick...sad too. What I fail to realize, I think, is that a) this surgery is on my back; not my nervous system. This isn't going to 'cure' me and b) being is less to no pain means I won't need excuses not to do stuff. Right now, all I can see is pain. I can't imagine a life without it...