So on Sunday, I was watching part of a Beth Moore DVD and she metioned something about not really loving God (not being against Him or disobeying Him, BUT...WANTING to love Him; having respect, holy fear, trust, etc...but not feeling love). And the sad thing is that it completely and totally resonated with me. Now I feel like a heathen that's going straight to H-E-double hockey sticks. But there was a bright side...that comes from not knowing Him. That's something I can work on. At that point, I got sick and had to go to the hospital and...yeah. (A sign, maybe??)
I'm doing better today...but mentally, I'm still kind of a mess (over the whole God thing). I have a fracture (hairline, I believe) on/near my two pinky-ish toes. The funny thing is, had I not been having pain in another part of my (left, or bad) foot, I doubt I ever would have known. No pain, no bruise, no nothing. The doctor told me to stay off it and keep it elevated...which I'm supposed to do anyway (the elevation part) to reduce fluid build up.
I'm a hot mess...just go with it :)
Though no medical professional specifically said this, what I'm thinking is that my foot, in order to heal itself, was compensating by putting more of the strain/weight on the inner portion -- which is where I'm having the pain. Meaning....that to get my foot right (well as right as it can be), I need to allow it to heal completely, which means I need to...wait for it...STAY OFF OF IT!
Now that I have all this time on my hands (which I always had), it's time to get to know God.