Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I CAN stand the rain...

My mood seems to improve dramatically when the weather is crappy. I really like rain and thunderstorms. Is that weird? Well, I'm weird, sooooo......

Of course, the ridiculous pain in my side is not necessary...but even that's not dragging me down! Just have to alter my productivity to include resting it. My definition of 'productivity', however, is significantly abbreviated from what I would guess most people would consider productive, but I'm not most people.

I'm a little excited today. I decided that it would be a good move for me to start a personal Bible study to get to know God...and I found one that goes through the book of Psalms. I felt sort of convicted at church on Sunday that I need to read the Bible more...like everyday. How can I get to know God if I don't learn about Him?

I have a CD on my iTunes that is my go-to when I want to be closer to God -- 'Church Music' by the David Crowder Band. (The CD is flipping awesome by the way -- it kind of inspired my blog title --well, a song on it anyway) I love this CD. It makes me happy. And I'm not saying that listening to music is not good, but it's not bringing me deeper...and it's about time I do that.

I'm not sure why this is coming up now...maybe it's because I'm not looking for anything to come out of it...other than knowing and loving God. It's no secret that one of my biggest desires is to be in a relationship and get married...and I know that God is not going to bless me with that until I get right with Him. In the past, I would say that I was going to read and pray everyday, with my ulterior motive being that God would place that person in my life...but now I am doing this because I WANT to...yes, a relationship would be nice; but there's more.

I was recently at a point where I could not get to church. I didn't realize how much this was hurting me until I was able to get back. For about the past month, I have been able to go regularly and each day I am more thankful to God for putting friends in my life who are willing to sacrifice and love me enough to come get me. Not only that, but I am so thankful for this opportunity that I don't want to waste it again.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

So on Sunday, I was watching part of a Beth Moore DVD and she metioned something about not really loving God (not being against Him or disobeying Him, BUT...WANTING to love Him; having respect, holy fear, trust, etc...but not feeling love). And the sad thing is that it completely and totally resonated with me. Now I feel like a heathen that's going straight to H-E-double hockey sticks. But there was a bright side...that comes from not knowing Him. That's something I can work on. At that point, I got sick and had to go to the hospital and...yeah. (A sign, maybe??)

I'm doing better today...but mentally, I'm still kind of a mess (over the whole God thing). I have a fracture (hairline, I believe) on/near my two pinky-ish toes. The funny thing is, had I not been having pain in another part of my (left, or bad) foot, I doubt I ever would have known. No pain, no bruise, no nothing. The doctor told me to stay off it and keep it elevated...which I'm supposed to do anyway (the elevation part) to reduce fluid build up.

I'm a hot mess...just go with it :)

Though no medical professional specifically said this, what I'm thinking is that my foot, in order to heal itself, was compensating by putting more of the strain/weight on the inner portion -- which is where I'm having the pain. Meaning....that to get my foot right (well as right as it can be), I need to allow it to heal completely, which means I need to...wait for it...STAY OFF OF IT!

Now that I have all this time on my hands (which I always had), it's time to get to know God.